by Stella De Genova
I’m blind. I’ve had to come to terms with that. I’ve embraced it and honestly, I’m over it. It’s part of my daily life but it doesn’t define me and it’s not what I dwell on every minute of the day. I’m not a “total” but the best I can see, which is in good lighting and up close, is pretty damn blurry. I was never able to see in darkness so there are some things I always wished I could see but I can’t miss what I never had: things like being able to move around in a crowd to talk to people in a dimly lit room, or knowing what the eclectic food looks like on my plate in a romantic, candle-lit restaurant. I like to dance but I always wonder if I look out of place in the midst of others around me since I can’t tell what I’m doing compared to their latest dance moves. C’est la vie – these are things I never have and never will know.
But as I get older and a little more sentimental, I realize there are things I will miss. Yes, faces on TV are a blur and I need help purchasing clothing because I can’t see most colors or size and price tickets but that’s low on the priority list of concerns. What matters even more to me is that my daughter will be a beautiful bride next week and the details of her wedding gown are lost on me and watching her walk down the aisle and the expression on her face will be a blur to me. If I didn’t already know it’s my daughter, I wouldn’t be able to tell until she was right in front of me. I’ll also miss seeing the love in my son-in-law’s eyes when he sees her coming to stand next to him. And what of a grandchild or 2 in the future? I want to know their eyes and their smiles. And I already know I will miss reading storybooks to my grandkids in the way I loved to do with my kids when they were wide-eyed and eager to learn.
Ahh well, what good does it do to dwell on what we can’t have? Isn’t life more about the intangibles? Even if my eyes fail me, what’s real is in the heart. The upcoming wedding and future family will be a day and lifetime of love that can’t be physically seen but felt with every fiber in my body and soul. We will laugh and cry tears of joy and we will eat and dance until we are ready for sleep and our dreams will be of their beautiful future and our growing family. Saluti!