Hope

13 Dec

by Fred Nickl

Hope springs eternal they say, but what does that mean?

When I was a child I hoped for that special toy, it never came.

When I was a teen ager, I hoped for a date with the prettiest girls that never happened either.

When I was in Vietnam, I hoped to survive another night. That happened physically but I’m not so sure about it happening mentally.

When I was a driver and woke up in the dark and heard someone say probably a DOA, I hoped it wasn’t true. That wasn’t true either but sometimes I wish it had been.

When I was told I would never see again, I hoped it wasn’t true.  Of course that one was true.

When I was in rehab they told me everything was going to work out for me, I hoped it was true. That wasn’t true for me either.

When I was stepped on and pushed aside as a blind man, I hoped it would get better. It didn’t but I learned to push back.

When after decades of fighting desperation and loneliness I still hoped for something better, it never came.

When as an old man I entered this nursing home, I hoped at last for some peace, I think I finally found it.

When you ask how, it’s hard to explain. The feeling that has come over me is nothing short of a miracle.  I look back and don’t see hope not working for me but me not understanding what hope has done for me.  Sure there were many disappointments in my life but I survived and made a life for myself and along the way I gave hope to others in my situation.  Being an example for others is not a simple thing to do.  I never let my disappointment show.    Something inside me made me fight through every roadblock life put in my way.

I was never a success financially, emotionally, spiritually or even as a father.

Reflecting on my life now it doesn’t seem as desperate as it did at the time.  Now as the true darkness starts to engulf me, I feel hope for that what’s to come is better then what has passed.

Fred Nickl, Sr. is 69 years old and has fun writing.  He lost his sight when he was a young adult but has never let that stop him from being a good dad, grandfather, friend, advocate for the blind and generally nice guy.  Blindness has also never stopped his love for adventure – sky diving being his latest feat!

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3 Responses to “Hope”

  1. Jeff Flodin December 13, 2012 at 10:18 AM #

    Thanks, Fred, for your honest and inspiring words. You continue to benefit those in your sphere.

    • Kathy Austin December 13, 2012 at 10:39 AM #

      Thanks, Fred. You give us all hope! A lovely piece.

  2. Fred Jr. December 13, 2012 at 8:12 PM #

    Wonderful writing, Dad. Don’t be afraid to keep writing.

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