Fat Blind Guy

23 Oct

by Fred Nickl, Sr.

Once upon a time there was a fat blind guy.  Not just any fat blind guy.  This was a super fat, super blind, fat blind guy.  He wasn’t always a super fat blind guy.  He started out just like anyone else, a normal fat blind guy.  No one knows exactly when it happened, but it was about the time he was eighteen.  He was exposed to the curse of pizza.  Someone with no regard for the fat blind guy’s future turned him on to the terrible food.  It wasn’t long before he was eating the stuff at every meal.  He didn’t settle for  just the basic kinds of pizza, he loaded them up with every kind of topping.  He was not above getting four kinds of meat on one pizza.  Of course it goes without saying he always ordered the largest size.  He ordered sizes like the giant and the stadium.  He especially liked searching the internet for pizza places advertizing the weirdest combinations of ingredients.  A pizza with fish or pickles was not out of the  question.  Pizza delivery men knew him by his first name.  He was known in cities all across the country.  You know it had to happen, one day he ordered a pizza he could not possibly finish.  It was called the United Nations.  The ingredients were too numerous to list here.  They stood about six inches high and were hanging over the sides.  The pizza was so big they had to bring it in through the window.  This was the kind of challenge he liked.  Little did he know this pizza was about to be his undoing.  The first slice went down quickly, so did the second and the third.  Even the fifth and sixth pieces went down easy.  It was about the tenth piece that the trouble started.  The toppings started to pile up under his nose and caused some breathing  difficulties.  The bucket of diet soda that came with the pizza just caused foam to form around the piled up pizza.  This caused him to start sneezing.  Again this by its self would not have been a serious problem except for the fact that he was too stubborn to stop and clean off his face.  The combination of all that and the fact that he was already in distress from all the years of over eating pizza.  The doctors later surmised his blindness kept him from realizing the sheer quantity of pizza he was trying to consume.  The autopsy showed that all those years of eating pizza had caused a massive blockage of his stomach with undigested cheese.  Pizza shops all over the country mourned his passing.  There was an immediate down turn in the economy.  All the makers of pizza ingredients suffered an immediate down turn.  The only people that were happy were the trash haulers whose loads sizes went down dramatically.  I suppose he will be missed by more people than that as he was a very generous tipper to the delivery men.  My feelings are mixed as my job was to clean out his apartment.  If I had a dollar for every pizza coupon I found, I would be rich.

Fred Nickl, Sr. is 69 years old and has fun writing.  He lost his sight when he was a young adult but has never let that stop him from being a great dad, grandfather, friend, advocate for the blind and generally nice guy.  Blindness has also never stopped his love for adventure – sky diving being his latest feat!

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One Response to “Fat Blind Guy”

  1. jefe November 16, 2012 at 2:32 PM #

    Wow, small world. I’m pretty sure my Dad is Mr. Nickl’s locksmith.

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